Uh- Oh, Harper K's Twice in Debut

I had a great time reading all the tweets and little blurbs about Bryce Harper's debut today. All the concern about his debut today in which he struck out twice. We D.C. sports fans are so clearly scarred for life. Nothing but a championship will heal that wound, and I'm convinced of that. I'm usually one of those people, but not about Bryce Harper. Bryce is a star, and he has a star's attitude:

"That's why we have spring training. That's what it's for- getting all the rinky dinks out."

Thumbs Up for Arnott Deal

On a day when the D.C. sports scene made headlines for the right reasons, the Caps closed on a deal acquiring the 17 year veteran center Jason Arnott for David Steckel and a draft pick. The Caps desperately needed a second line center, and Arnott should be a great fit. He's big at 6 foot 5, physical, and clutch in the playoffs. He brings more playoff experience than anyone on the roster. Oh, and he actually contributes to points on offense, something the second line center position was quite lacking to do.

This was a move the Caps desperately needed to make, and Mcphee delivered. Not only did he acquire Arnott, he also added defenseman Dennis Wideman to add to an already potent defense. This move was probably forced because of the injury to Mike Green. Mcphee voiced his thoughts about the state of the team a week ago, and he wasn't going to sit back and let this team go one and done come April. He stepped up and made a couple big moves that make the Capitals a more formidable team.

Great job George. And I'm starting to really like the way the Wizards, Caps, and Redskins are doing business. Two teams that need to start over are doing so, and the team that can compete for a championship made moves to make them better.

Soon enough we may no longer need to be pessimistic (but probably not).

All Hail Mike Bibby

Who would have thought the aging Mike Bibby would have such an impact on the Wizard's future? In a surprising and rare move, Bibby forfeited next season's salary (roughly $6.2 million) to ensure he wouldn't have to stay in D.C.

Mike, I don't blame you, and I'm not mad at you. In fact, I'm downright elated with you. You suck, and you saved us money. And we need money.

The new CBA likely will result in a hard salary cap, but the Wizards still will now be one of the most aggressive teams in free agency due to outstanding financial flexibility. The only difficult part is getting players to come here, and that is a potential issue. The Wiz have one selling point. Come play with the unproven John Wall. In today's NBA, that's unlikely to lure the stars.

Props to Ernie Grunfeld again for making these two financially beneficial moves, along with bringing some youth in return (that's how you rebuild, Dan).

Oh, and thanks again Mike Bibby. You're the man!

Gary Sweats A Lot

(via Dan Steinberg)

First off, I would like to apologize to Dan Steinberg for consistently stealing his images and using them for blog posts. But hey, I'm the one trying to make it as a blogger and you work for the Washington Post. So I don't feel that bad. Plus, you always have awesome images.

Any who, the Terps' season effectively ended last night with their unimpressive loss at UNC, dropping them to 7-7 in conference play, and still without a win over a top 25 team. We have to assume they will need a miracle finish now, like winning the rest of their games through the ACC Tournament.

This picture perfectly depicts Gary this season. Never more have the Terps been so competitive, yet unable to win a big game. Gary is always sweating like Patrick Ewing in the 4th quarter, but he usually is not drenched to this capacity at halftime. Then again, these Terps will make anyone sweat like that.

Shout out to Terell Stoglin, who scored a season high 28 points for his 4th straight 20 point performance. Thata' boy, freshman.

So Long, Clinton

A few weeks back upon hearing the news that Santana Moss would not be offered an extension, I gave him a farewell and gave you some of his greatest moments as a Redskin. It wouldn't be fair if I didn't do the same for Clinton, who is reportedly being released within the next few days.

Clinton was a bit of a wild card, but he was a hell of a back in his prime. He came to Washington via trade in 2004 for Champ Bailey, a move many questioned at the time. I don't think anyone would question that trade today, considering he is the second most successful back in Skins' history in terms of yards gained. He put the team on his back for the only two playoff runs in the Dan Snyder era, and he was pretty damn funny. His post game costume party in 2005 was a bit over the top, but it brought on some laughs, so what the hell.

His comments about reporter Ines Sainz brought on much controversy, even though it was absolutely hilarious and true:

"You know man, I think you put women reporters in the locker room in positions to see guys walking around naked, and you sit in the locker room with 53 guys, and all of the sudden you see a nice woman in the locker room, I think men are gonna tend to run and look and want to say something to that woman. For the woman, I think they make it so much that you can't interact and you can't be involved with athletes, you can't talk to these guys, you can't interact with these guys."

"And I mean, you put a woman and you give her a choice of 53 athletes, somebody got to be appealing to her. You know, somebody got to spark her interest, or she's gonna want somebody. I don't know what kind of woman won't, if you get to go and look at 53 men's packages. And you're doing a job, but at the same time, the same way I'm gonna cut my eye if i see somebody worth talking to, I'm sure they do the same thing."

Damn right, Clinton. This was the problem with Clinton, though. He would always comment about things and usually be right on the money about it (not always-see below), but he did so while offending a ton of people. You can look at it whatever way you want, but what the hell, it's funny.

Clinton butted heads with Jim Zorn, made insanely idiotic comments about Michael Vick, and was Dan Snyder's play thing. Set aside all of that, and enjoy the greatest moments of Clinton's career with the 'Skins.

• His first run as a Redskin
• His hit on Mathias Kiwanuka
• His block 60 yards down the field
• His 40 yard dash race against Laron Landry
• And many more

Nick Young With Crazy 360 Lay-up

One of my favorite things in the world to do is take shots at Nick Young, mainly because he makes it so easy for me. But this play from last night shut me up real fast.

The Wiz may lose a whole bunch of games, but their young guns have shown the flare for the dramatic. I'm convinced this is the reason the Wizards believe he is part of the future. It's hard to blame them; plays like this blind you from the truth (Basketball Reference's Black Hole Theory).

Baltche?

(Via Dan Steinberg)

Not only do the Wizards stink, they consistently screw up the wardrobe. You know, at least look good out there.

The other two?

• Mustafa Shakur
• Kevin Seraphin (His own fault)

Whoever is in charge of the uniforms for the Wizards, please get cut like the rest of the Wizards roster should.

Wizards Trade Hinrich, Surprisingly Competent

Big Ernie Grunfeld came out of his shell tonight to make a surprisingly competent move. Ernie sent Kirk Hinrich and the useless Hilton Armstrong to Atlanta for Mike Bibby, Jordan Crawford, Maurice Evans, and a 2011 first round pick.

Jordan Crawford!!!! Yeah!!!! That's was my reaction when hearing the news, and then I thought, isn't his name Jamal? Oh, that's the other one. Shucks. This is Jordan Crawford, so I urge you not to make the same assumption. Then I remembered who Jordan was. He's the dude that dunked on Lebron. Oh, well that's pretty cool.

Regardless of which Crawford it is, this was a move that made sense for both sides, especially the Wizards. The Wiz don't save much money (just 500,000), but they get a young, promising shooting guard and a first round pick next year, along with a couple of veterans in Bibby and Evans. Bibby will serve primarily as a mentor to Wall, and I'm not sure what the expectations are out of Evans. The trade becomes even better if the Wizards can find a suitor for Bibby, possibly a contender that is looking for some extra guard help.

It isn't like they are losing anything of note, considering the woefulness of Armstrong won't be missed, and Hinrich was getting paid way too much for a guy that wasn't very productive.

The Knicks got Melo, the Nets got Deron Williams, and the Wizards did something. So let's rejoice.

Bryce is Competitive

Bryce Harper, via Adam Kilgore of the Washington Post:

"I'm trying to make this club. I'm going to come out here everyday and make their choice hard."

Thata' boy, Bryce. Any discussions about how the Nats will not bring up Harper under any circumstances this season is nothing but speculation. If Bryce is outstanding at each level in the minors, as we expect, he will get brought up. That will hold true especially if the Nats are any where near contention.

Also, phenomenal hair.

Caps Not Scoring, Not a Problem

Defense, defense, defense. Something that has been absent in the chilly Verizon Center the past three seasons. We as fans are addicted to the high octane, high powered offense that we have been so accustomed to. And there is nothing wrong with that. It is entertaining. But simultaneously , we complain about the lack of postseason success.

The Caps have completely altered their approach to every contest this season, and it has been to the dismay of much of the fan base. Last season the Caps were 16th in goals allowed, and this season they are 6th. Last season they were 1st in goals scored, this season they are 19th. Completely shifting your approach from a spread out high powered offense to a stingy defense isn't going to happen overnight. It is going to take some time. Look at the bright side, the defense has made the transition. They block shots, they stay where they are supposed to be, and they get good goaltending. That is playoff hockey. That is what has been invisible in April and May. The goals will come, so it would behoove everyone to just stay patient.

Maybe the switch to defense hasn't translated to as many wins as we would like, but clearly history will show you that the regular season is somewhat irrelevant. If they get into the tournament, which they will, they have just as good a chance as anybody, and the good defensive habits will pay off.

I know much of our fan base is quite irrational and incompetent, but wake the hell up. 1-0 wins are good, if you didn't know. They are learning to win tight low scoring games, which they had no idea how to in previous seasons.

Yea, I know, its Pessimistic in the District, but I feel more optimistic then ever before. If the Caps had came into this season with the same approach, I would be expecting the April collapse. I know we are used to incompetent upper management and ownership with the Wizards and Redskins, but let's remember that is not the Caps. Mcphee and Leonsis know what they are doing, and they have already built a winner.

Now let's just get that power play in order.

Wizards Are Far Behind

The state of our Washington Wizards never became more clear than last night at around 9 p.m. They are extremely far behind from the pack of contenders. The Knicks acquired Carmelo Anthony to team up with Amare Stoudemire in a blockbuster deal, only to further more shift the competitive balance of the league to the top and possibly cause a problem for the overall health of the Association.

Yes, it could be a heck of a lot worse for the Wiz. If they didn't strike gold with the first pick last June and John Wall, we would be discussing an entirely different and much worse situation. The thing is, it's still not good. The league has always been one of pure star power, and it couldn't be more apparent now. The Lakers and Celtics set the standard when acquiring multiple stars to go along their franchise player, and the Heat one-upped that with nabbing Lebron and Bosh this past summer in addition to Wade. You can not win a title in this league without three all stars. That is just the way it is now. Is it a good thing? You could argue both ways, but my stance is firm on the fact that it takes away from the competitive balance of the league, and completely dismisses the notion of parity that is so apparent in the other major sports.

The Wizards had themselves a pretty decent situation, but that all went to shit with a certain someone's off the court actions (see picture above). And maybe that was for the good, considering they were aging, injured, and never going to contend with the big boys. They have appeared to have gotten step one out of the way by getting their franchise point guard, John Wall. Wall is clearly a great talent, but he and the Wizards will not be great until they get other stars to go alongside him. Now the real question is, how in the world are the Wizards going to get stars to come to D.C.? That is not a question I can answer, mainly because I don't even see how it is feasible at this point. For at least the next 5 years, the Wiz will be looking up at the Heat, Knicks, Bulls, and temporarily the Celtics and Magic. That is a steep hill to climb. I hope Leonsis and Grunfeld have a plan, because nothing will move forward until they get step two moving along.

We knew all along the Wiz had work to do, but with another team in their conference making a realistic push to join the elite, it only emphasized the dubious state of the franchise, even just months after getting the first overall pick.

All we can hope for at this point is another miracle in May with those ping pong balls.

Get Well, Brandon

It's been the typical tumultuous offseason already for the Redskins. Albert Haynesworth found a way to assault two people in very different ways in the timeframe of about a week, and Brandon Banks got stabbed outside a nightclub in D.C. Brandon was released from the hospital on Friday, and is now home recovering.

Not much has really leaked about what happened that night, and let's take that as a good thing. Obviously Brandon did nothing to deserve getting stabbed, but its unlikely he did nothing to provoke the violence. Initial reports say Brandon said some sort of joke that provoked the man, and I'm sure it was nothing too serious. But when you're on the streets of D.C. at 3 a.m. outside a night club, you might want to watch what you say, Brandon.

Brandon will get back to 100 percent, and that is pivotal considering he is about all the Redskins can call a playmaker with the ball. I've got that gut feeling that we as Redskins fans have come so accustomed to recently that it's going to be another dubious offseason.

Now that I think about it, it might be time to hope for the lockout so we don't have to endure another hapless season.

Anyways, get well Brandon, and let's avoid nightclubs in D.C. for awhile.

The Scam that is the Dunk Contest

First off, I want to personally thank Javale for confirming my thoughts on his slam dunk contest chances. He showed off some especially unparalleled athleticism, as well as providing entertainment I didn't quite know he had in him. He had swag, and most importantly, he dunked three balls after a pass from John Wall. But maybe that wasn't even his best dunk. After watching all his throwdowns again this morning, I have come to the conclusion that this was his best dunk . Everyone is going to remember when he dunked two balls, and then three. But on this particular dunk his head almost hits the backboard as he soars from one side of the rim to the other, and throws it down with one hand. For a seven footer, that was quite stupefying.

I got the sense around the league that everyone was impressed with the dunk contest, as well as being under the impression that "it's back." I'm not one of those people. There were things I saw last night that truly angered me. I'm also pretty sure some former NBA greats feel the same way too. Yes, the dunk contest takes place in order to entertain. But the ways these players go about entertaining is not relevant. At this point in the contest, it is rare to dunk without some sort of prop (and yes, Javale was part of this, too). After seeing some of the laughable stunts pulled last night, you could sort of see a look of disgust on the faces of guys like Dr. J and Dominique Wilkens. They had to have been thinking, "what happened to the days when we dunked by just using a ball?" The dunks are entertainment itself, we don't need props to provide it. The singing choir stunt was the most embarrassing of them all. Was it a bit commercial? Maybe a little.

If we are going to have this contest year in and year out, shouldn't the best dunks win it? Let's face it, Blake Griffin was the least impressive dunker last night. Derozan's second dunk and Ibaka's first were both better than anything Blake pulled off. Each one of McGee's dunks were better than Griffin. But none of that matters. Blake won the contest before it started, because the NBA feels the need to let the fans vote so they can make a few extra bucks. Someone please tell me if the nation votes for any other reason than that. It's not like the NBA didn't know that

the entire nation would vote for Blake regardless of what he did. They didn't care. The need for profit is all this All Star Saturday Night is now. Blake Griffin had a choir sing before he dunked over the hood of a Kia (another money hungry move by the NBA). McGee could have dunked over the hood of that car from the free throw line, but there was no need to do that. It sucks that this is what this event is now, but it's just the way it is.

I'm sure Javale new before his final dunk that it was already over, and that's probably why he delivered his worst of the night. Regardless of the outcome, Javale showed off his ability to the fullest last night, and the Wizard's organization should be proud.

I can't forget to mention Charles Barkley's comical quote last night in reference to Javale McGee:

"America doesn't know a whole lot about this guy cause there's no way in hell that we're gonna show the Wizards."

Touche, Charles.

Blatche Continues to Wow Us in the Worst Way

Oh, Dray. Seven Day Dray. Clearly layups and dunks were not part of his repertoire this week. Just a few days ago I posted about Nick Young, and how he is "dead weight." I'm so sorry, Nick. This is what dead weight is.

Dray is so frustrating, and it would behoove the Wizards to get rid of him now. Not only does he play no defense, he plays like a guard, and can't make layups or dunks. Now those are appetizing qualities in a championship type player.

People jump on and off Dray's bandwagon, and I have stayed as far away as possible from it. We've heard rumors of the Cavs being interested in Blatche, and my wondering is, how could the Wiz not jump on that immediately. I mean, there is an actual NBA team that wants to take him off your hands. I don't care if they offered Antawn Jamison back. Do it. And now. But it's the Wizards, and they seem perfectly content with continuing through the misery with Blatche contributing to it.

Kirk Breaks J.J.'s Ankles, and the Jameer Nelson Aftermath

Kirk Hinrich FTW. The Wiz lost by 25 last night, but honestly, who gives a damn. I like J.J. Redick a little more now post-Duke, but that provided some much needed comedic relief.

By the way, this is the second time J.J. has fallen to the ground this season, and it's not like Kirk's crossover was something the streetballers of New York show off.

What may have been even better was Jameer Nelson's reaction. I love it, because somebody needs to mock J.J. after another epic fail.

Javale Mcgee's Dunk Contest Chances

The Wizards are a miserable team, with an equally dubious future. We as fans don't have much to look forward to, and of course it is a bit depressing. But hey, let's all get excited to watch Javale Mcgee do what he does best on Saturday night (actually, do the only thing he can). Javale is the first ever Bullet/Wizard to participate in the event, and he should be. As questionable as his other skill sets are, the kid can dunk. He is about as athletic as can be, and that should make for a good show Saturday with Blake Griffin also participating.

As for Javale's chances, I think they are better than much of the nation thinks. Most think it's a runaway for Griffin, but don't jump to that assumption. Javale has Dwight Howard like athleticism, and it looks even cooler because of how lanky he is. Blake is definitely the favorite, due to the array of creative dunks he has displayed in his first year. At the least Javale should be in the finals with Blake, mostly because I don't really know the other contestants that well (sorry).

Regardless of the outcome Saturday night, you gotta love that we have something positive to look forward to for our 15-38 Wiz. We here at Pessimistic in the District wish you the best of luck, Javale.

Livan is Opening Day Starter, and it's not a Good Thing

Look at that belly. Another season for the Nats, another season that Livan Hernandez is the ace. We keep being told every season is different, but it's safe to say it remains relatively the same. Now yes, Livan has been the the most consistent pitcher for the Nats since 2005. But he is 35, and proved last season he can be very hittable when he doesn't have his stuff. I have found him frustrating to watch at times, and I'm ready for something new. Clearly it is not the Nats' fault that their real ace, Strasburg, is hurt. But it is the Nats' fault that they didn't go out and get a top of the line pitcher, or at least someone that could provide some consistent depth. Instead, they decided to pay 126 million to Werth, which they were kind of forced to do.

Zach Greinke would have been real nice, but he wanted no part of D.C., and I won't judge or blame him for that. Matt Garza may have been even nicer, but they didn't seem to even make a play for him. They won't have trouble scoring runs next year, but they certainly won't stop the opposition from doing so either. What's even more discouraging is that John Lannan and Craig Stammen will be in the rotation again this season. God, why do you do this to me? Lannan has a chance to be effective, sometimes. Why Craig Stammen? Why? What does he bring to the Nats other then giving up 5 runs in the first? I find it hard to believe they couldn't go anywhere to find something better than Stammen. But I'm no GM, of course.

My guess is it is going to be another rough go around this season in Washington, and once again we will be told that next year is the year. How many more years can we endure this? How much more can we be teased, without going numb?

Nick Young Prefers Shooting

Yeah, I already know. This is the furthest thing from news, but I'm not just being captain obvious today. I came across something very Wizard-like this morning. Out of all guards, Nick Young passes the least amount per touch in the NBA. You would think that an honor like this would probably go to a guy like Kobe Bryant, but Kobe isn't even in Nick's league. Nick shoots the ball an astonishing 55% of the time he touches it. Damn thats a lot. No wonder the Wizards suck. Of course, the Wiz don't really have anyone else who can score, so that is Nick's job. But good god man. Let's try getting others involved.

Like I said a few weeks back, I am a big fan of Nick's improvement this season. He can put the ball in the hoop, and at a pretty good percentage too. But these are the kind of statistics I seem to come across almost every day supporting Basketball Reference's black hole theory.

He may look good at times, and he may be the only guy that can do it for this team. But can anyone really picture this guy playing on a perennial contender? I just don't think so. He is a guy who shoots a heck of a lot on a really bad team. To me, all that says is he is dead weight, and should be traded now while he's hot.

He's Back!

The man, the myth, the legend, James "Jimmy" Arthur Zorn, is back. In a stunning and equally hilarious move, the Kansas City Chiefs have hired Jimmy Zorn to tutor their quarterbacks. Upon hearing this news, I laughed initially. I then thought to myself, how does Jimmy Zorn continue to bounce around the league after getting canned? What is even crazier is that he has never been a coordinator, just a quarterbacks coach and a head coach (thanks, Dan). And now, the Chiefs won't even give him the title of quarterbacks coach. He's a tutor, whatever the hell that means.

Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE Jimmy Zorn. I think he's a great guy, and he means well. But let's be real here. He sucks. If the "swinging gate" play wasn't enough evidence, then I don't know what else you need. Zorn is an interesting fella. Beloved in Seattle, but let go easily. Hired in D.C. as offensive coordinator, then hired as head coach the same week (thanks, Dan). He then got run out of D.C., only to be hired as quarterbacks coach for the Ravens. After a year he gets canned again. Not only did he get fired by Baltimore, he had the quarterback defending him, and was very pissed about his departure. Just when you thought maybe Jimmy's luck has run out, he gets hired as a tutor of qb's. Only Jimmy.

If you are ever having a bad day, and need a quick boost of pure happiness, just look at the above picture. I do it everyday.

Did he pose for that? Or did somebody get that image at the absolute perfect time? Eh, it doesn't really matter.

Valentine's Day Special

Upon special request from my lovely girlfriend on the holiest of days, today I will take a step aside from D.C. sports. Today I will shout out to her favorite sports team, the New York Islanders. It has been a rough time being an Islanders fan lately, but things appear to be looking up. The Isles have scored 16 goals in their past 2 games, including 9 in a fight filled affair against the Pens Friday night. The Isles are a very young, tough, spirited team who has fought through many injuries to stay competitive. They may be well out of the playoff race, but they have made this season respectable. So don't worry Lauren, they will be good soon. Happy Valentines Day, and go Isles!

There is a God

I woke up on Saturday morning (actually it was a little after noon) excited to begin my day of nothing, a.k.a. sitting on the couch all day, watching my teams that were in action. It began at 1230, with the Caps hosting the Kings, and Maryland at B.C. at 1. The Caps put together another home dud, and I missed the only goal they scored. Maryland's tourney chances took a severe hit with a loss as well. Bad start to the day, but I at least had the Wiz at 8, hosting the league best Spurs. The Wiz game was over rather quickly, and thus concluded my 0-3 day in sports. Not to mention the Skins made the headlines with Brandon Banks getting stabbed and Fatty getting officially charged with assault. Typical.

Sunday brought about a new glimpse of promise, with the Wiz realistically having their first great chance to win away from home. A loss to the lowly Cavs to extend the streak may have been too much to handle, but the Wiz did not disappoint. They came out with a ton of energy and never looked back.

Pop the Champagne. Poor it all over Andray Blatche. The woeful Wiz have won a road game, and in the process put the Cavaliers in their own league of futility. The Cavs ended their losing streak just before the Wiz came to town, only to see the Wiz celebrate road win number one.

The last laugh has to go to Flip Saunders, who has got to have lost many years of his life enduring this painful season.

Cleveland Rocks!

What was once a decent rivalry (for 4 years) with many intense playoff matchups has turned into holy ineptitude. Remember when Agent Zero and Lebron traded knockout punches in that memorable playoff series just 5 years ago? How about Deshawn Stevenson inexplicably calling Lebron overrated, followed by Lebron calling Deshawn "Soulja Boy"? That must feel like a lifetime ago for Wizards and Cavs fans. The Wiz have had a makeover since then, and the Cavs still have all the shitty players they had before, only Lebron-less. The Wiz have lost all 25 games away from the phone booth this season, while Cleveland is riding their own impressive 26 game overall losing streak. It all adds up for a potential heavyweight matchup on Sunday night, unless Cleveland breaks our hearts with a victory tonight against the Clippers. Of course, of all the bad luck in the world, the Clippers may take the cake. It wouldn't be surprising to see Cleveland get it tonight, but for our sake lets hope they crap in their pants again while looking ahead to the mighty Wiz.

Sunday's potential matchup is a win-win for us at Pessimistic in the District, in terms of Monday morning blogging. We will be hoping for a Wiz win, so we can proceed with more jabs to take at Dan Gilbert and the Cavs, but a Wiz loss would make our writing even easier Monday. If the Wiz lose to the Cavs on Sunday, they will be in their own league of futility.

Although unlikely, should this game really be nationally televised? Lebron thinks so. In fact, this may be the first time I have ever agreed with Lebron. Is the NBA happy about this potential matchup? Probably not. But hey, might as well embrace it. To their surprise they might actually get good ratings.

Towson is Below Average

Get your popcorn ready! In the midst of covering the misfortune of D.C. sports, I have blinded you all from the worst. No, they are not D.C. sports, they are Towson basketball. In my time as a student, the university has managed to steal thousands of dollars from my family and I, while putting together one of the worse athletic programs that we will ever see. My run in failure continues with the Towson Tigers miserable 2010-2011 basketball season. Those pesky Tigers currently stand at 4-20, (0-14 in CAA). The CAA is mid major conference, albeit a good one, and Towson has no business being in it. They are non-competitive, and it appears that their coach Pat Kennedy has lost the team.

I have only watched a few of their games this season, and that was quite enough. Good shot selection, defense, and most importantly basketball I.Q. seem to be absent. With football being equally as woeful this season, the two have combined for an 0-22 conference record this season. With two more losses from basketball, Towson will become the first ever Division I program to not win a conference game in either football or basketball. I am talking Wizards here, only worse. The curse has been over D.C. sports teams for years, and it seems as if I continue to spread the joy to Towson. Before I got to Towson, the athletic program was at least bad. Upon my arrival, they have become embarrassing.

Side note: For those of you unfamiliar with Towson, during football season, the advertisements say come to the "U" to watch Towson Tigers football! What?

Remembering 'Tana

Before getting into 'Tana's likely departure from Washington, lets all take a minute and quickly forget that 'Tana ever wore that hideous Marlins hat. Lets all rejoice that we will (hopefully) never have to see that hat again. He seemed to have worn it at every post game interview this season, and the only things I could think of was why is he wearing it, and how much longer do I have to look at it.

As much as I hate the hat, that was probably one of the only negatives about 'Tana's tenure with Washington. According to Jason La Canfora, Moss will enter free agency, as the Skins have no intention of bringing him back. As sad as it is to see him go, you can't really blame the Skins for having to go young. Moss is 31 and can still play, but wouldn't be a good fit for the youth movement. 'Tana was stellar in D.C., catching 442 passes and scoring 33 touchdowns in six seasons. Keep in mind, he accomplished this without another capable receiver beside him.

'Tana was quite the small nugget, with some great speed that slowly diminished by the end of his run in D.C. He played 110 percent on every play, which I can't say about some teammates. I've put together a few of 'Tana's best moments in D.C. Enjoy.

• Overtime winner against Jacksonville (I was at this game. Awesome)
• Punt return against Detroit
• Miracle against Dallas
• One handed catch against Dallas
• Game winner against New Orleans

"We Clipped Skates"

Matt Cooke, how do we rid of you. Our hatred for him isn't because he is a Penguin, (although doesn't help his case) but merely because he is a douchebag. I have many, many hateful and inappropriate things to say about Cooke, but I'll let Bruce Boudreau summarize his thoughts:

"It was Matt Cooke. Need we say more? It's not like it's his first rodeo. He's done it to everybody and then he goes to the ref and says: 'What did i do?' He knows damn well what he did. There's no doubt in my mind that he's good at it and he knows how to do it. He knows how to pick this stuff. We as a league, we still buy into this idea that, 'Oh it was an accidental thing.'"

Props to Boudreau. And as for Pittsburgh, who thankfully went 0-2 in their big games Sunday: No, this wasn't just an act to protect Crosby because of the Steckel hit. Cooke has been pulling this shit for a while now, and it's not the first time Ovechkin was the victim.

This Porn Star could have been a Redskin

Here at Pessimistic in the District, we like to focus on the more negative side of things for D.C., as well as the "what ifs". So what if Ted Thompson decided to act as much of the rest of the league did and pass on Aaron Rodgers in the first round? One thing is a guarantee. The Washington Redskins would select next, after trading up to get the 25th pick. What is not so much a guarantee is who they would have selected. Aaron Rodgers, now a Super Bowl Champion, would have been sitting there for the taking.

Now clearly, picking a future perennial star and super bowl champion is not something the Redskins seem to have grasped yet. Recent history would suggest the Redskins would have went in a different direction than Rodgers. Gibbs was high on Campbell, so Rodgers slipping may not have influenced Joe.

What is tougher to swallow is that the Skins had the 8th pick in that draft, and as much as we love the hands of Carlos Rogers, taking Aaron there would have been nice.

It is hard to make fun of the Skins for this, considering how 23 other teams passed on the star, but they give us a great reason to based on these recent draft picks:

• Devin Thomas (cut)
• Malcolm Kelly (injured)
• Taylor Jacobs (out of league)
• Jason Campbell (traded to Raiders)
• Patrick Ramsey (3rd string QB)
• Rod Gardner (out of league)

That's what you get when you have one too many ex- Redskins

Somewhere Jimmy Zorn is smiling. Well, maybe not, he did just get fired. Any who, ex- Redskin great Shaun Suisham horribly hooked a field goal last night that led to a breakout of laughter in the D.C. area. In fact, I wonder if a Redskin fan recorded this video, knowing the inevitable shank was on the way. If a Redskin fan was watching the game with a Steeler fan, it's safe to assume "I told you so" was a popular phrase. Shaun Suisham was not solely responsibly for the Steeler loss, but he fails to resemble anything related to a clutch performer. Yeah, it was a 53 yarder, but come on man.

I was hoping for a Green Bay 3 point lead, with Suisham putting up a similar performance like this one as time expired. Oh well, maybe next year.

Shout Out to Antwaan Randle El, who had a pretty good Super Bowl.

Our Impression of the Haynesworth Confrontation

Who would of thought that Fat Albert was even capable of hurting another human being. I mean, stomping on a defenseless player on the ground is no biggie, and tailgating a driver in Fairfax only to get out of the car and hit him at a stop is harmless. Though unlikely, hopefully this punch cost fatty a big loot and puts him behind bars for some time. Anyways, we are all wondering what exactly took place Wednesday morning, and we here at Pessimistic in the District figured this would be the most likely scenario: (Keep in mind, Albert's agent said the other man instigated confrontation after recognizing him)

Fatty: This motherfucker isn't gonna let me in! Fuck! I'm gonna fuck this motherfucker up! (takes a bite of some sort of fast food item) Does this guy know who I am? Oh thats the way you want it, I'm gonna be up your ass now!

Hero: What is this shithead doing? Ah fuck you! (gives albert the finger)

(The two stop at a red light. Fatty opens his car door, slams it shut, and walks towards man in car; still with fast food item in hand)

Fatty: (Banging vigorously on man's window) Open the fuckin' door! I ain't no slave! I ain't anyones slave! You ain't gonna treat me like no slave!

Hero: What the fuck are you talking about?

Fatty: I said I ain't no slave! I ain't for sale! You know who I am! You won't treat me like no slave and get away with it!

(Man steps out of car)

Hero: Look man, I don' t know who you are, and what you're talkin' about. But you got some fuckin' issues dude.

Fatty: Coward! Say it to my face! Say it to my face! What you gonna say!?

Hero: Alright wackjob, go to hell!

(Fatty punches man in face, walks back to car, drives away)

Gilbert Should be Embraced

There may be many reasons to boo Arenas tonight, or yell expletives toward him. There may be many reasons to hope he misses every shot he takes this evening. But in Gilbert's return to the phone booth tonight, let's embrace him. Let's accept him for who he was. Of course, Gilbert made many mistakes during his time in D.C., but let's not forget what he did do for this town. He arrived in 2003 when basketball was at one of it's lowest points here. Jordan was gone, and still not a playoff appearance since 1997 for Washington. He lifted the spirits of this town, by rising to prominence as an elite scorer, and for providing much needed entertainment.

Gilbert never meant to hurt a soul. His quest was to be the best, and he was a work horse in attempting to do so. He led the Wizards to 4 straight playoff appearances, and brought back basketball as a relevant event in Chinatown. Sure, we will always remember the downfall of Gilbert Arenas. But tonight, lets set that all aside, and cheer for the man who brought the Wizards back, and captured the entire city by surprise.

5 Reasons Why Duke Always Beats Maryland

Only one word can come to your mind when seeing the image above. Hitler, of course. Duke fans will deny that he portrays such a man, but all of us anti-Duke spectators (especially us Maryland fans) know the truth. Coach K is the closest thing we have to the devil, right? Duke is everything we hate. All we hear about is how they graduate everyone, how all of their players are such great men, great leaders. We have to hear Dick Vitale slobber over Shane Battier, Mike Dunleavy, Jay Williams, and Kyle Singler. (And no, I didn't forget J.J. Redick, but I am convinced that Vitale does a little something extra to him.)

But as Maryland fans, lets be real. We hate Duke because we aren't Duke. We don't get their players, we don't compare with their consistency, and we flat out don't win like they do. So what am I getting at? Coach K is undeniably a rat. He barks at the officials more than anyone, even when Duke appears to get the majority of the 50/50 calls. But we have to respect him. He has stayed away from recruiting violations, and is in the NCAA Tournament every single season competing for a championship. We have to respect Duke. We can make all of the excuses in the world, but Duke continues to beat the Terps continuously in the same way.

So I give you, the 5 reasons why Duke always beats Maryland:

1. The 3 point line:

One thing has always remained a constant in this rivalry. Duke always beats Maryland at the 3 point line. Duke will not lose to Maryland when they outscore the Terps consistently from beyond the arc. Whether it be Singler, Sheyer, Williams, Redick, Dunleavy, or Battier, Duke has poured in the threes in every matchup. Last night? Duke outscored the Terps from three by 24 points. Final margin of defeat: 18.

2. Coaching:

Gary Williams is one of the best coaches in the nation. Hands down. He may not recruit as well as we would hope, but he always has his players ready to play against the highest levels of competition. He is very well known to be a great in-game coach, in terms of making adjustments. He is that, but not against Duke. When Duke beats Maryland, they do it in the exact same fashion throughout the game. No adjustments made.

3. Loose Balls

If you are watching a Duke-Maryland game as a neutral fan, you may notice that every loose ball seems to go the way of Duke. And you would be right. Why does it happen? Don't know. Hustle, more will, and a better knack for the ball are all possibilities. Regardless of how it happens, it is debilitating to Maryland. Loose balls can often determine a close game, and when Duke wins, they get all of them.

4. They are better

You can say all you want about coaching, the atmosphere, whatever. Duke beats Maryland because they consistently have better players. They are better shooters, they have more size, they are quicker, and they are stronger. They are better prepared mentally. The only season in the past decade that Maryland was better than Duke and won it all? 2002, when they had better players.

5. The Block/Charge Call

I physically can not go through this list without taking one shot at the Devils. I don't think anyone would argue that Duke, and not only against Maryland, always gets the benefit of the doubt on a block/charge call. It may be because Duke players are instructed to flop, but thats a different issue. You may have noticed last night during a crucial part in the game, Terrell Stoglin was called for a charge that was clearly a block. A few plays later, one of the Plumlee goons was clearly out of control, ran over a Maryland player (who I have since forgotten), and a block was called. Not saying it ever determines the game, but it certainly doesn't help Maryland.

Snyder Needs More Money

• Dan Snyder is filing a lawsuit against Washington City Paper writer Dave Mckenna.
• Here are Mckenna's 61 jabs taken at Snyder.

My personal favorites are "Z" for Zorn (Obviously), "F" for Fan Appreciation Day, which Snyder used as a decoy to charge $25 to park (Not mentioned in ad for event), and "H" for Pat Hill, a 73 year old grandmother that Snyder sued for not being able to afford her season tickets anymore.

Just when you thought maybe, just maybe the fucking idiot was stepping out of the way of upper management and out of the headlines, this story breaks. Dan, if you care about your image this much, instead of suing yet another person, try changing your personality from a sadistic self- involved Hitler into something that actually resembles a human being.

Caps Lose Again, But So Did P.K. Subban

Unfathomable losing streaks are hitting the nation's capital this winter. The Wizards are 0-25 on the road, and now the Capitals have lost 8 straight games that have gone past regulation. It seems inevitable once 4 on 4 play begins that it will end in defeat. How can a team with so many individual stars be so bad in a shootout? Even last season when the Caps were an offensive juggernaut they were consistently beaten in the shootout. Boudreau? Possibly. It seems he is always going with his "hunches" on who to shoot, which seem to barely pan out. It seems more likely he will end up with some sort of condiment on his face in the post game interview.

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Negative All Around

(Click To Enlarge)

Now you might wonder, how were the Wiz remotely in this game in Big D Monday night in the midst of their dormant status 25 game road losing streak? Well, I can't answer that for you. This game says quite a bit about the lowly Wiz this season. Nobody on the floor had a positive impact on the game. Props to Kirk Hinrich and Al Thornton for being completely average! What is most concerning about that line is the fact that the only hope for the future, Wall, was worst at a -13. Uh oh.

This was two nights ago, and David Stern is still letting the Wizards play on the road. So last night the road warriors were in New Orleans, inching closer to the all time record of 0-29. Could 0-41 be possible? At this point it not only remains possible, it is starting to become likely.